Long Awaited Present
by Jyxxie
Summary: Shuichi wants Yuki for his birthday. Instead he gets shut out, lost, near frozen to death, loses his voice and friends. Had a hard time placing this in categories. Some angst, some sappy, some suspense and some happy! c:


This kept me up until 4am, just thinking about it, but I needed sleep so I didn't type it. I woke up and it's still there, so I'm deciding to type it out; something I rarely do.  
Oh, and apologies, no idea when his birthday is.

* * *

---

"Yuuuukiiiii!" Shuichi enters Yuki's study, dressed in a bright-green sleeveless satin shirt and red leather pants, which hug at his skin very snugly. It may be winter outside, but inside Yuki's home, it's nice and warm. "Yuukiiii, I bought a movie for us to watch~!" He holds it up in Yuki's face, blocking the computer screen. It's some new romantic comedy; Shuichi's hopes that they can snuggle soon. It would make a great present.. for it is his birthday~!

Yuki pushes the movie from his face with mild annoyance. "I'm busy. Go away." He doesn't even look up at Shuichi.

Shuichi pounts. "But Yuki.. won't you take a break? For a little while?"

"No."

Shuichi pouts, then slides between Yuki and the coputer desk, holding the DVD against his chest. "Yuukiii, pleeaase?" His eyes are big and he has a cute hopeful look on his face.

Yuki slides the chair back. "No Shuichi, I told you I'm busy. Now go /away/." He gets up and heads to the window and lights up a cigarette to relax on, but just gives an exasperated sigh as Shuichi resurfaces in front of him, putting his arms around Yuki's middle and looking up at him with hopeful, pleading eyes. He just pushes Shuichi off him; he's not in the mood for anything today.

Shuichi pouts, but sets down the DVD on Yuki's desk and tries again, sneaking up behind Yuki's back and squeezing his rear. Yuki whips around and looks down at Shuichi, fire in his eyes. He puts the cigarette in his mouth, grabs Shuichi by the back of his shirt, and shoves him out the front door. "Go for a walk. Come back later," he says, and slams the door in Shu's face.

Shuichi stares at the door, shoulders slumping, and paws weakly at the wood. "Yu..kii?" He receives no answer, and turns, heading out for a walk. He's very cold; but his jacket's inside, so he just walks on. He crosses over the bridge, trudging through the snow, breath making clouds in the night air.

Why? Why was Yuki ignoring him? He couldn't have forgotten Shuichi's birthday, could he? He had hinted towards it a few times that week. He didn't want any presents, just some nighttime affection. He didn't care how much affection he got, as long as Yuki showed he cared. But did he forget? Or did he remember, but simply not care?

As he walks, lost in thought; Shuichi fails to notice the ice glinting just under the snow. He slips on it and whacks his head painfully on the iron bar on his side closer to the road; he stumbles back against the railing against the river side and tries to make sense of what happened. The ice is still underfoot, he can feel; his head is panging with pain, and the world is swirling. Up is down, sounds come from everywhere at once, and he's lost his equilibrium. He remembers his feet slipping, hearing a familiar voice calling out his name.. Hiro? Then, everything is silent.. but icy cold. He tries to breathe, but his mouth and lungs fill with icy, murky water from the river. He chokes and soon hears things again; he must have resurfaced.

After several minutes of the pounding confusion, Shuichi can mke sense of things again; he tries to stay afloat as the dark water rushes faster and faster, sending him under, over, around. He can hear Hiro yelling out for him, and he sees the brown hair glint upriver.. Hiro is trying to get to him. He calls out, but just as he's shoved under.

---

* * *

Shuichi awakens to find himself laying on a mellow part of the riverbank, head and shoulders resting in the snow, hair stiffened with ice crystals. He hadn't even been aware he'd fallen asleep, but shivers uncontrollably as he gets up. The moonlight is shining on the water and lightly illuminates the snow on the ground, enough so Shuichi can see he's in the forest. He crosses his arms tightly to himself and looks up the river; it winds loosely for miles before turning out of sight. "Wonder where I am," he wonders out loud, his voice a bit hoarse. He coughs and rubs his cold nose, hoping he's not getting sick from this.

He knows he'll freeze if he stands there, so he starts walking, sinking into the snow with each step, exposed skin quickly growing numb. In the dim lighting, he spots an opening in the side of a rock cliff, and stumbles into it. It's a cave. It seems to extend a bit in, so he walks in further; and he finds that it's warmer in here. He heats towards the source of heat until he bumps into something; it's pitch black so he can't make out what it is, but it's warm. He sits by it, trying to warm up, and eventually drifts off againt the soft, warm wall behind him.

Awakening late the next morning, Shuichi snuggles deeper into the warm source behind him, mumbling the word 'Yuki'. He opens his eyes to see a cold stone wall, light thrown faintly onto it from the entrance a ways out. He rubs his eyes and looks to see what he's laying against; he spots a large pile of soft brown fur, rising and falling ever so slowly. He turns his head to look at the other side, only to see a bear's head, eyes shut and sharp-clawed paws held agaist its body. Shuichi stares for a minute, before slowly, carefully standing and making his way for the exit. This proves to be a difficult task, as last night's ordeal has made his entire body stiff, and he feels a bit disoriented.

He gets to a tree a few yards from the cave and leans against it, then touches a warm spot on his head. He can feel the bruise from last night; his memory returns and his groans softly.

Unsure of which direction to take with the river, he begins walking.. away from the city, deeper into the country. He finds a sign, marked in bright orange, pointing an arrow towards a town labeled about 12 miles away. He stares, and groans softly. {Twelve miles,} he thinks. {Twelve miles, then I can be home. Maybe Yuki..was planning a surprise..} he tries to make an excuse as he trudges along the remotely-visible path, able to follow it only because the trees are about 8 feet apart on either side, making a cut line.

First a sniffle, then another; then a cough and another sniffle. He absentmindedly rubs at his nose, then at his arms, then at his hands. Why does it have to be so cold out? Why can't this have happened in the summertime, when the water was warm, the flowers were blooming, the path was probably easier to follow? Why did this happen anyway? Why was Yuki.. no, he already though of that, and decided Yuki was planning a suprise for him, for when Shuichi returned. Only now it would take much longer to return. But when he did, he knew he would have something to look forward to. Hot chocolate, warm blankets, a birthday surprise from his lover, perhaps cake and kisses. The best present he can think of right now would be in Yuki's arms, feeling the warmth and love; oh he wished for the heat of passion, to warm not only his body but also his aching heart.

Quite a while later, even the midday sun could not keep him warm, as he was achy all over, his body cold completely through; his skin, muscle, and bones were all cold; he could conjure up a picture of his bones being made of a hard ice. He wondered if they would break if he fell. Then he wondered if it would warm up again, if he would melt. He began to think he was made of cold; maybe some sort of snow spirit. Maybe he was a confused human because he was really a winter spirit, or a river spirit, and he had gotten lost. Maybe that's why he's traveling the path, to find his way back home.

He hadn't eaten since early lunchtime the previous day, and he had little meat on him to shelter him from the cold. The blood flow throughout his body is reduced, as well as to his mind; his mind is wandering off, allowing him to hallucinate. His only escpae from this comes his thoughts, a few minutes later; all he sees around him is white. Winter. Snow. Yuki, the japanese word for this. Yuki, the word which triggers an awakening in his mind. He is surrounded..by Yuki.. but he must find his way back to, Yuki. Yuki.. "Eiri.." The name escapes on barely a whisper. He stops and looks around, then realizes what had happened. He is still following the path, but has no idea how far he has gone since seeing the sign. He looks down at his body; his skin is nearly white, his fingers hurt as he bends them, he can't feel his skin. He must keep walking, he can't be very far now.

---

* * *

Walking, walking, walking. Rubbing his hands together and keeping his mind awake by singing his favorite song, Rage Beat. That was the song Yuki helped him finish. That was the song he yelled out for Yuki in. That was his band's first hit. That was Shuichi's song. The words come out between shivers, but it's barely heard, for Shuichi's throat feels sore and cold, and what voice is heard is raspy. When he sings the song until his mind starts to wander, he begins singing Sleepless Beauty. On this cycle goes until he has sung all the songs he knows, even old folk songs; it has grown dark and he can't follow the path as easily anymore.

Tired. Sore. Hungry. Sleepy. Lonely. Freezing. The best two words he could describe for himself right now would be cold and empty. He looked down at the moonlit path, but he looks around and sees no sign this time. He also sees no caves, no pine trees, nothing to shelter himself. He shivers and sits down for a minute, to regain some energy before continuing. He would walk all.. night if he could.. but.. a minute.. and Yuki.. and.. want new world...

Shuichi opens his eyes, looking around with a sleepy mind at the darkness. The lighting is the same, everything is still. He must have drifted off for a minute or two. He breathes in and makes the move to get up, but finds his body failing. He can move his arms, with weakness and difficulty; but trying to push himself up, he finds his legs have no strength left. He crawls, weakly, hoping his body just needs to wake up; but when he reaches the middle of the path, his shaky body falls in a heap right there.

{Is.. this it?} he thinks to himself, not even cold anymore. In fact, he feels warm. {I'm young.. too young.. but I did have fun. I'm famous.. people know my music, so they know me. I won't die being unknown,} he smiles a bit at this thought; he's so cold and tired that he's willingly given up. The snow no longer stings his skin, and he lets his mind relax, and grow more muddled. Slowly, very peacefully, he falls asleep.

---

* * *

For a while, it feels like a dream. From warm to cold, then to warp again. It seems like a very, very long dream. At least, he awakens, and finds himself in a warm bed, covered with wool blankets. There is a table at his side, holding a rag next to bowl of water. He hears crackling, and notices a fire in the next room. He groans softly and sits up, then looks down at himself. He's dressed in a flannel shirt and warm flannel pants; they look like children's pajamas.

He grabs the red plaid shirt hanging from the corner bedpost and puts it on, wandering towards the fire. He doesn't feel as though he has a cold; though he vaguely rememberes the sniffling, coughing and such in the forest that comes with one.

"Awake, are you? That's good, doc said it might be a few days."

Shuichi looks over at the voice, and sees a man sitting in a chair, writing in a journal of sorts. He has short brown hair, a clean-shaven beard, and a lumberjack's body. "Well then, doc said take it easy. Go ahead and sit down, then you can tell me what you were doing out in the woods like that."

Shuice looks behind him, and spots a handmade chair that looks inredibly inviting. He sits in it and relaxes into it with a contented sigh, and thinks where to start his story. He decides to begin with taking a walk and falling into a river, and opens his mouth to speak; but no words come out. He gains a confused look and tries again; but still nothing. Then he tries to yell, even scream; no sound at all. He leans back in the chair, looking like he'd just been shot in the heart.

"Doc said you might have some trouble with things; he looked you over and said you'd been out there in them bright skimpy clothes for mighta been a coupla days." He points over to Shuichi's clothes, washed and folded up on an empty chair. "Truth been, if it weren't for yer bright clothes, I probably wouldn'ta seen you. You were layin' in the snow and it had almost covered you up. I was headin' to the byway on my horse for I was out of oil for my lamps, and so were the other guys around here."

Shuichi stares up at the man, looking terribly confused; then tries to speak again. "You might want to relax, in case you get sick again," the man says. "I'll call the doc anyways, he can come look you over." He gets up and heads to the phone, and when he returns, he finds Shuichi staring at the fire. "Doc's comin' over. By the way, name's Red." He holds his hand out to shake it, and Shuichi looks up, then gives a halfhearted handshake. "I'll go make us some hot chocolate."

Shuichi's heart sinks. He wanted his first hot chocolate to be at home. Right now he wanted to BE home. This place was dreamily warm, content and cozy; his host was very friendly. Still, it wasn't home. To add to it, now he couldn't talk--and that means he couldn't sing. He figured this would only last as long as it had before, and relaxed a bit. When he could finally go home, everything would be right again.

---

* * *

Doc Dugor is shining a light in Shuichi's throat, looking in good and deep. Shuichi has to keep kimself from gagging. "Can't see anything wrong up here. I'll have to go in a bit deeper," he comments, and pulls the light and mirror from Shu's mouth. Shuichi rubs at his jaw and watches as the aged, but kind, doctor pulls out what looks like a long, flexible-necked flashlight.

"This won't hurt. It may feel unconfortable though. There is a camera, here on the end, that allows me to see inside you." He holds up the screen. "This is where I see, what the camera sees." He gives a smile, mainly for Shuichi, who manages a nervous smile in return.

The throat examination is over rather quick; slide in, examine for a few minutes with an uneasy look on the doc's face, and slide out. "Ahh. I see damage to your vocal chords.. I'm assuming it's recent, though since we have just met you, I couldn't be sure." Seeing Shuichi's questioning eyes, he pulls out a notpad and pen and hands it to Shu, who writes.. 'Is it permanent?'

"Time is the only thing that can answer that for you. They may heal themselves, they may not. I don't have any treatments for you, I'm afraid; just warm tea with honey. That'll soothe the throat and may do the most good." Shuichi nods weakly. The doctor smiles. "You're lucky, you know."

Shuichi looks up, and the doctor nods. "When Red found you, you were white as the snow. You were fozen stiff, and he thought you were dead, until I gave you a look-over. You're lucky to be alive, and still have all your fingers and toes, I'll tell you that. Frostbite can be a mean enemy out there in that cold. You must have someone watchin' over you."

Shuichi can only manage another weak smile, and with that, Doc Dugor heads out, bundled up, into the cold to head home.

---

* * *

Since Shuichi is silent for the while and the weather outside hasn't really let up yet; he remains in the cabin with Red and just lets him talk. First he learns about how he was found in the snow, not far from frozen to death; then how long he was sick in bed for--nearly two weeks. Shuichi's eyes widened at this, but his heart sinks when he hears that nobody had come looking for him. It was still bad weather so they couldn't put out a bulletin about him, in case anyone were looking for him. Shuichi though, feels incredibly insulted. Two weeks had gone by, but nobody had come looking for him. He had many famous and rich friends who could afford anything--tracking dogs, cold-weather gear, helicopters, anything. but still, nobody had arrived asking for Shuichi Shindou, a pink-haired young man.

Shuichi learned that this was a small town making most of their living with wood. Small-scale logging--with axes, that is--processing the wood, making furniture and such, and selling both the raw wood and the manufactured items. They sure weren't a rich town; only the mayor of the small town had a tv, and that was for his wife most of the time.

Red wasn't married, for he met a woman once and had fallen in love; however she stole his heart away when she left him and he learned that she was only in it for a fling, she was already married. When he left she took his heart with him, Red said, and he's never tried to find someone since.

After Red rambled for a while and it had grown late, he realized he didn't know his new friend's name. "So d'you have a name or do I have to call you momoiro?" he jokes, referring to the Japanese word for pink.

Shuichi just laughs quietly at the name, so Red gives a nod. " 'Right then, Momoiro it is then!"

--**--

Come springtime, Shuichi begins working in the lumber mill with everyone else in town. It really is a small town; it has a one-room schoolhouse, a small town hall, a jailhouse and a firehouse. Town entertainment is usually outdoors but once in a while held in the town hall. Not much goes around around here, Shuichi soon learns, and it gives one time to think. It also gives one a chance to try new things.

He's quickly gotten to know everyone here; there can't be more than 100 people in the town nestled in the forest. He's taken a liking to the schoolteacher, Mura. When he has first explored the town and she learned he couldn't speak, she had begun waving her fingers and hands around, as though having a seizure, Shuichi first thought. He then learned she had been talking with sign language, unsure if he was deaf or mute, and he had to reply by writing that he recently lost his voice.

So while working at the mill to pay his doctor bills and try to return the hospitality Red had shown him, he began learning sign language, at least until his voice returned to him. Though it had been almost four months since his arrival. True, he could return to the city for money to pay the doctor; he could return to the city to find a better doctor. A part of him though, feels as though nobody would welcome him back. Sure, his fans would, until they found he can't sing. After that, it's his friends, such good friends that came and tried to find him after his disappearance. Hiro saw which way he went, why didn't he look for Shuichi? So Shuichi remains, to give himself a chance to heal. Mind, body, soul.

---

* * *

After 3 and a half years, Shuichi had adjusted rather well to his new life. Though he was small compared to the others in the mill, he has what seems like endless energy, and his small muscles easily build up into thicker, more efficient ones. Everyone has learned his name as Momoiro, though most call him either 'Iro' or 'Pinky', but he just gives an annoyed look, which makes the others laugh. By now he has been able to fluently learn sign language, with the help of Mura and her sign language book from the school 'library', merely a bookshelf piled full.

While on their break from work today, one of the guys brings in a battery-powered radio. "Check out what I got me from the by-way," he says, referring to the store halfway to the city Shuichi is used to. It's halfway between, but somehow it ngot the name By-Way instead. The city, Shuichi learned, is near 40 miles off. That sure had been a wild rapids ride, and now he's glad he wasn't awake for it.

Chuck sets his new radio on the bench and turns it on. "It even reaches the satellite from space. Y'know we can't get any cellphone company out here and not very good tv, so radio's our best bet." He's saying this just for the sake of saying it, and to remind Shuichi that they're not hicks, they're just out in the styx. "I bet it can even get that rock station Juno likes," he says, referring to the teenager who's walking up now.

"Let's find out," Juno says, and scans the stations. Sure enough, there's the station N-G broadcasts on, and Shuichi feels his stomach twinge. Chuck spots the look of longing on his face, but doesn't say anything about it until everyone else is heading back to work.

Shu's headed back to the main room, but Chuck holds him back. "Wait a minute Pinky. Wanna ask you somethin'."

Shuichi stops and looks up at Chuck from under the hat he was wearing, signature lollipop poking out of his mouth. He's been sucking on lollipops now for over two years, or else he was afraid he'd start snacking and put on a belly like some of the other guys.

"I saw that look on your face. I know what it is. When you ended up in our town, you didn't make peace with your last one, did you?"

Shuichi stares at Chuck, still amazed at how much people could learn from one look. He gives a nod, as does Chuck.

"I don't know what happened back there, but if it were me, I'd go finish it so I could move on." Chuck picks up the radio and puts it in his locker, then heads back out on the floor, passing the still-there Shuichi. "Whatever you decide, you know," he says, and heads into the mill.

---

* * *

It takes him almost a month after his talk with Chuck to decide. Since then his heart has been aching more than before, and his lack of contact with the outside world has made him determined to know, determined to go. He thanks everybody before heading off, letting them know that if he weren't to return, he'd be sure to write to them.

It sure wasn't easy to leave such nice people behind, but Shuichi needed to finish things. He began the long walk back to the city, his body much more accustomed to this sort of thing. He packed a few lunches and headed out, remarking to himself how nice it is out now that it's summer, and not winter.

It was late that night that he arrived at the By-Way, to find it open. This was his first visit, and he entered with a friendly smile, and explained via pen and paper that he just needed to stay the night. The By-Way was a nice place; it was rather large, and two rooms for passer-by, a large collection of supplies for the people in smaller towns so they didn't have to travel so far; and a sort of country souvenir stand. He didn't have a delicatessen but he did have a counter of snack foods, and before leaving the next morning, Shuichi bought a cold soda and 3 boxes of strawberry pocky.

He arrives at the city about midday the next day, his bare arms shiny with sweat. It's a hot day today, and when he left he'd dressed in a red plaid shirt with the sleeves torn off, blue jeans for comfort and to keep the bugs off his skin, and a baseball cap to keep the sun off his face.

He slips a lollipop into his mouth, as he'd polished off all the pocky by now. He walks deeper and deeper into it, and takes a deep breath. Instead of the woodsy mixes of pine, maple, hickory and many others he's grown accustomed to, the sweet city air returns to his nose. He hears the people talking on cell phones, the cars honking at each other, and kids yelling to each other. He notes what part of town he's in, and notes he's closest to Hiro's house. After more than three years, he wonders just how much has changed, and heads to visit his good friend.

---

* * *

Shuichi stands at the front door to Hiro's place, and takes a deep breath before knocking. When the door opens he sees Hiro with shorter hair, and a slowly growing look of disbelief on his face. He feaches forward and pulls the hat from Shuichi's head, and the familiar pink hair flows out. "Sh-Shui--" He pulls Shuichi into the house, then stares at him some more.

"But Shuichi.. you're dead," Hiro finally manages, looking confused and amazed. "We never found you, and here.. you are.." He puts a hand to his head. "I watched you go down the river. I-I couldn't catch up, it was so cold, how did you survive??"

Shuichi just gives a grin and pulls the pen and pad from his pocket. He begins writing on it and Hiro watches, a bit confused. He then reads the note the Shuichi wrote, and his face falls. "You.." He pauses to read it all. It took a few minutes to write, and it takes Hiro a few minutes to read; he rereads it several times. "Three and a half years, and you still can't..?" He looks at Shuichi. "..We.. can take you to a better doctor. Find out if there's a treatment. A cure, surgery or something."

Shuichi writes something on his pad, and holds it out to Hiro. "Later, Yuki firs.." Hiro pauses, and looks at Shuichi, who's got a determined look in his eyes. "Shuichi, he's not quite the same. Since you left he hasn't written a thing, and he's been more.. well, he doesn't talk to people very much anymore."

Shuichi pauses, and looks down, then gives a smile and wink and points to himself. Hiro shakes his head.

"I'd advise you to just forget about him, Shuichi."

That was it. Shuichi stands up and turns, pop still in his mouth, and heads out the front door. "Shuichi!"

He ignores the calls from his friend and heads down the sidewalk, hat back on, towards Yuki's. He sees the bridge he must cross, the same one from that night; and his heart catches in his chest. He's..terrified. He can't cross. Yet from here, he can almost see Yuki's. His breathing grows heavy and he turns, running along, looking for a safer way across. He soon finds it, a small walking bridge. With a bit of fear inside, his slowly crosses this one. Once across, he has to stop to relax. He scolds himself for being afraid of bridges. {Get a grip, it's only a bridge. It was the ice, not the bridge that made you fall.}

Regaining his strength and courage, he makes his way to Yuki's home, which looks exacty the same on the outside. He walks to the door and up the elevator, then makes his way down the hall, quiet footsteps growing slower, and then his mind starts to wander.

What if Yuki had found someone else? What if he had a new playtoy, what if he found a girlfriend, a wife? What if he had killed himself? What if he let himself go? Possibly the worst.. what if he was happier that Shuichi was gone?

He stopped at the door and reached out to open the door, then paused and withdrew his hand. Maybe.. maybe it would be better to, as Hiro said, move on. But he.. he can't, this is Yuki. He had to see. Had to know. Had to open the..

Just as he reached for the handle again, the door opened.

---

* * *

At eye level, Shuichi saw a rumpled unbuttoned shirt overtop a white tank top. The familiar body was thinner than before; and Shu could even make out a cigarette burn hole in the overshirt. As he looks up, he sees Yuki looking down at him, glaring. He's smoking a cigarette now, and his eyes look like he's searching for something inside. His hair has lost sheen, and his eyes look more distant than they had been years before.

Yuki narrows his eyes and reaches forward, slowly taking the hat off. He sees the hair, the eyes, the eyes.. one look into Shuichi's big, round, deep eyes and he knew, it was really Shuichi. But the Shuichi he knew was dead. Was this his mind, playing tricks again? Did he let himself grow so sick again, that he has seeing things completely, things that could not really be there? It had been 3 years, and no matter how much he wanted him to, Shuichi could never come back. So who is this strange boy in lumberjack clothing? Was he really there at all? Who w--

He's cut off as Shuichi takes the lollipop from his lips, leans up and pulls Yuki down, and kisses him. Neither of the two had kissed in a while, and for Shuichi, it was a shot of courage and hope; for Yuki, it was the awakening.

Yuki grabs Shuichi and holds him close and tight. He doesn't care if this is all an illusion; though he doesn't believe it himself. They kiss for as long as the two can, and Shuichi pulls back a little, looking up at Yuki with wondering eyes.

Yuki can only return with eyes of longing, of broken hope, and a shattered heart. He finds the urge to speak. "If.. if you are real. I want to hear you sing." He doesn't sound like the strong, foreceful bastard Shuichi used to know, and he holds onto Yuki's hand tightly with a weakened look. It's as though Yuki just smacked him.

He opens his mouth. Maybe he just wasn't trying hard enough. Maybe it had been so long, maybe it had healed by now; maybe he really could sing. All he needed to do was try. Try he did. Yuki watched Shuichi sing in silence, try to rub his throat and try to sing again. No sound would come.

Yuki feels some rage in himself and he grabs Shu's thickened arm. "Sing! Dammit sing! I finally have you back I want to hear your voice, now sing!" Shuichi looks up at Yuki, and he looks down. {I can't sing anymore..}

Yuki lets go of Shuichi's arm and stares at him. "I knew you weren't real. You never are," he says hollowly, and turns around, shutting the door, once again, in Shu's face.

---

* * *

Shuichi's heart feels crushed, and he drops to his knees. He looks down, and puts the lollipop back into his mouth. He trembles a little, and finally loses it, breaking out into quiet sobs.

The lollipop breaks in his clenched teeth, his body is shaking, and he feels frozen again. He feels just like he did, the night he laid in the snow. He couldn't feel anything, couldn't move, couldn't think. This time he was sure, he would die.

Not two minutes later footsteps run up behind him, and Hiro picks Shuichi up to standing, then leads him towards his..car. No motorcycle, hmm. Hiro is speaking to Shuichi, but he can't hear any of it. His sobs have quieted; now he's just staring out the tinted window, leaning against the door. Hiro is heading back towards his house, and Shuichu realizes this; he whips around to face Hiro and starts signing in sign language, that he wants to go see the doctor.

Hiro sees Shuichi and goes back to his driving. "I don't know what you're doing. Are you all right?" Shuichi growls and scribbles in his notpad, 'Doctor NOW!' Hiro nods and turns around a corner to head for his doctor. After a quick check, Shuichi's referred to a specialist, who checks him over again and nods. "Yep, I think we can fix this. Now, if he'll ever be able to sing again, I'm not quite sure." Shuichi stares at him, and fire appears in his eyes. He starts yelling about how he HAS to sing again, how he doesn't care about talking so long as he can sing. Alas, all that comes out is silent air and aggravated rage.

Hiro speaks for him. "It's incredibly important that he can sing again. More important than him to talk again, I'm sure," and Shuichi nods.

"All right. I'll see what I can do," the doctor says.

---

* * *

While waiting for his appointment, a week later, Shuichi walks down to N-G records to reintroduce himself. Naturally, most of the world believes him dead, so he has to come back to life and scare the crap out of everybody.

He heads first into Tohma's office, a lollipop in his mouth. Cherry flavor. He's got a coffee in hand, and he's wearing black leather pants with a bright blue top. He's working on getting back to bright clothes.

Tohma looks up, and spots the coffee. He doesn't even notice the pink hair, just waves his hand. "Thank you. You can go now."

Shuichi spots a small figure on Tohma's desk. It's a chibi Shuichi doll! He picks it up then, to get a closer look, and Tohma stands up, irritated, to snatch it back. "Do NOT touch the things on my desk unless you would like to be fi--" He's stopped when he looks into Shuichi's face, and drops the doll, which falls onto the desk. "Sh-Shindou--" He

Shuichi just gives a cheerful grin, feeling better to know that Tohma hasn't seemed to change.

Tohma puts a hand to his chest and sits back down, then looks up at Shuichi. "Is that really you?" Shuichi nods, and holds out a pre-written piece of paper. "So you.. can't but you.. in a week." He looks up at Shuichi and just shakes his head. He leans to his phone and presses several buttons, then looks up at Shuichi once again before leaning back. He gets a grin on his face. "Faking your own death.. that's a great publicity strategy."

Shuichi blinks, looking confused, and Tohma laughs. "We sold more records after you had.. well, gone, than when you were around."

Shuichi looks both hurt and angered by this, and is about to 'say' something when the door opens and in walks Ryuichi. "Yaaaa Tohma, what d'you want this.." He looks at Shuichi, and then a Tohma. "Are you trying to replace him with a look-alike?"

Tohma laughs. "This is Shuichi. Come see!"

Ryuichi sighs and walks forward, and Shuichi reaches down to check out the Shuichi plush again; he holds it next to him and makes the same cute face the doll is making.

"Yes, it looks like Shuichi. He's been gone for over 3 years Tohma. Let's at least hear him sing."

"Well, he can't sing," says Tohma, and Shuichi gives a nervous grin.

"Well, that would be a flaw," Ryuichi replies, and shakes his head. He turns to walk out, and Shuichi puts the doll down and runs forward, taking Ryu's wrist in his hand. He stands back and motions for Ryuichi to watch him; and from the beginning of Rage Beat to the end, he silently sings ever word and moves to the beat that is ingrained into his heart, has been for so long. If the cd track were playing, it would look like a live performance.

Ryuichi watches and his eyes grow big. "Shuichi..?" Shuchi nods and grins, and dances around playfully, and Ryu laughs. "Shuuu-ichi it is you! A-haha! How though? What happened?" Shuichi just grins and lets out his quiet laugh. "You have to tell me all about it sometime!"

Shuichi nods and grins, and gives the two a wave. He feels much betted, and now he heads off to find the recording studio. He wonders if they still have his music in there. Once finding it, he looks around and takes a breath and smiles, then finds the track, after searching a while; the one with voice. He dims the lights a bit, grabs the microphone, and hits play.

---

* * *

{Why did Tohma call me this time,} Fujisaki thinks to himself, on his way to Tohma's office. While he's passing the recording studios, he hears it start up. Rage Beat? But who would play that now? He opens the door quietly and walks in, closing the door behind him. he turns around, and sees Shuichi Shindou singing his heart out, the music playing full blast. When it's done, Fujisaki walks forward, into the studio. "..Shuichi?"

Shuichi looks up, and grins, then mouths Fujisaki's name. He waves him over and points to the keyboard, and takes the microphone. Fujisaki confusedly sits at the keyboard. "Are you really Shuichi?"

Shuichi just waves at Fujisaki to play, and when he does, Shu begins dancing to the music, and mouths words into the microphone; but the music stops before he does. "I don't know who you are but it is very wrong to impersonate a friend of mine like it's a joke," Fujisaki says with strength in his voice. Shuichi blinks, and makes a pouty face, then points to his throat and signs a phrase. He then writes it down on his paper.

"Can't talk huh? Nice story," Fujisaki says, and heads out, closing the door behind himself.

Shuichi groans and gets up, but takes the CD with him. He heads for the exit to the building and, wouldn't you know it, some girls spot him.

"Hey, look at him! He looks just like Shuichi Shindou!" Shuichi erks and looks nervous, taking a step back. This part, he had forgotten about.

The girls run up to him to ask him if he knew Shuichi, was a twin, could sing as good as him, where he did his hair, did he know the other members of Bad Luck, and many other things. Shuichi yells out quietly and ducks, shooting off running. The girls watch him run, and one just huffs.

"Guess he can't take the publicity."

"Then he shouldn't dress up like Shuichi," replies another girl.

---

* * *

The week had passed rather quickly; there had been more sightings of Shuichi throughout the town, and people wondered if it was a ghost, a lookalike, a twin, or if he never really died.

Of course, Shuichi's friends knew.

Today was the day for the surgery, and Shuichi was sitting in the waiting room chair. Near him were his good friends; Hiro, Tohma, Ryuichi, and even Fujisaki, who had needed convincing from everyone else and Shuichi himself.

Shuichi was nervous as can be; and was hugging Kumagoro tightly in his crossed arms. {What if I can never sing again, even after this?} His questions could be read on his face by his friends.

"This guy's a profressional, you don't have anything to worry about," Hiro comforts him.

"Yah, you can take Kumagoro in with you to keep you company," Ryuichi says, and Shuichi nods.

He's called into the back room and he heads in, clutching Kumagoro tight, refusing to give it up to the surgeon. He lays down on the table and looks around, then closes his eyes when they put the anesthesia mask on. He's out in seconds, his last thought seeing Yuki from the stage.

--

* * *

The surgery is a success; but to see the effects of it, it will take several weeks for proper healing, and until that time, Shuichi is not allowed to try to speak at all. He's given a medication for any pain he may get, and he pockets it.

He walks home today with Ryuichi, still holding Kumagoro in his arms. He's told he can keep the bunny until he's feeling better, and how if everything's a success he wants to do a duo with Shuichi, and he has pretty neat ideas for other songs too, and now they have to run because the fangirls spotted them.

"You go Shuichi, I'll hold them off!" He waves to the girls and stays there so Shuichi can escape to go home and relax his voice. He arrives at Hiro's not much later and heads inside, spots Hiro and gives a cheery smile and a wave.

"Shuichi! You're back. I'll go make us some coffee." He looks at Shuichi, who is shaking his head. "..No coffee? Okay.. tea? Tea it is then." He heads into the kitchen, and Shuichi sits down on the chair, leans back, and relaxes.

Hiro enters a few minutes later, holding tea. "Do you like honey or sugar or.." he looks down at Shuichi, to find him asleep already, the little pink bunny still in his arms.

"I'll drink yours too," Hiro says quietly, and begins on his tea.

---

* * *

After the prescribed 4 weeks, one week past the minumum wait period; Shuichi can try to speak. For the first time in 3 and a half years, he may hear his own voice again. He's in Hiro's living room, but Ryuichi and Fujisaki had both shown up to see the results.

He opens his mouth and takes a breath, then begins to speak. "Kuu-maa-go-ro." He hands the pink bunny to Ryuichi, and Hiro grins.

"You can talk again!" Hiro laughs, and Shuichi grins.

"Yeah, but can he sing," replies Fujisaki, and Shuichi looks a little afraid to try, afraid of what the outcome may be.

"You'll never know unless you try, nano-da," Ryuichi says, and Shuichi grins.

"It's..been so long but I'll uh.. try," Shuichi says, adjusting to speaking a voice. "So.. Rage Beat?"

Everyone agreed in unison that it would be the perfect song, and Shuichi stood back to get ready. He looks around and picks up a paperweight to act as a microphone; then begins to sing the lyrics to Rage Beat.

As he sings, everyone watches him with awe. He started out slow but he's really gotten into it, and is dancing now, singing it with more life, more force in his voice than even the recorded track. He soon finishes, his eyes bright and a big smile on his face. Hiro and Fujisaki get up and laugh with him, and Ryuichi takes him around the shoulders.

"That's more like it! Now we can do that duo! Or, since I'm doing it with you, it might have to be a duet," Ryuichi jokes, and everyone has a good laugh at that.

"Ah ah! Ryuichi I want to sing Sleepless Beauty with you," Shuichi says, and Ryuichi laughs.

"Of course!"

"Biggest show this city has seen in a while, and it's in our livingroom," Hiro says to Fujisaki, who's grabbing his keyboard. "I'll go get my guitar."

They throw a mini-concert and by the end, Shuichi has to admit he's pretty tired. His body is standing up fine, but because he hasn't even spoken in so many years, he's breathing heavily; he'll need to work on his lung capacity for singing.

"Plenty of time now, ha!" Ryuichi grins. "Shuichi's back, everybody!"

---

* * *

At Shuichi's request, Tohma schedules a performance on a stage outdoors. At Shuichi's request, the music can be heard from Yuki's place.

The concert is for an unannounced band, but as it's free as well as produced by N-G records, thousands show up to find out who's playing, what's the show.

Nearly a month after his first singing in over 3 years, Shuichi is both anxious and nervous to get back on stage. The equipment had been set up and he is backstage with Tohma, Ryuichi, Hiro, Fujisaki, even K's there.

"Ooooh I'm so nervous," Shuichi says, and grabs a lollipop from his pocket.

"You can't eat that during the show, Shuichi," K says, and Shuichi groans.

"I know.." He pockets it again, then grabs a box of pocky and rips it open to nervously chomp on it.

"Not the pocky Shuichi, you need your mouth clear for the singing," Hiro says, and hands Shuichi some water.

Shuichi drinks the water, and Ryuichi laughs. "I'd better go announce you then!" He heads through the curtain and Shuichi hears the cheers erupt from the crowd.

"Hey everybody! We've sure been keeping a surprise from you haven't we? Well, now it's time for your present!" The cheering again, then Ryuichi continues. "You've all heard them before, but now for the reunion! Come on out, Bad Luck!"

On cue, Fujisaki and Hiro both come out, but Shuichi is frozen in place. He only gets out when K shoves him out from behind the curtain, and Tohma just shakes his head with a small, hopeless smile.

The crowd has now grown silent. Shuichi walks forward to the micrphone nervously, and picks it up. At first he's stuck for words as he looks out over everybody; traffic is blocked, schools are definitely emptier today. He searches inside himself for the words, and finally..

"All right everybody, it's time for Rage Beat!" The music starts up and he gets into it, moving to the music, then begins singing.

---

* * *

The audience watches, wondering if this is the real Shuichi; but soon they're cheering just the same and the music plays, and Shuichi's strong voice reaches out to them. The first song finishes and cheers and screams can be heard through the crowd, and a slightly-huffing Shuichi signals to his band to start another song.

Up in the apartment, Yuki puts a hand to his head, then groans. Where is that music /coming/ from? A neighbor? It sounds just like the real thing. He looks out his window then; but opens it for a better look. He sees the stage, the people..

Shuichi.

Shuichi, in new stage clothes. Even from here, he can just make out details; pants too tight but it always did work for him, tight bright shirt and..muscles. Not large, but before he had none.

But for the most part, Yuki was just stunned. He hadn't showered today, but he puts on a clean shirt and clean pants and heads out towards the concert, still somewhat in disbelief.

The music plays on, and now Ryuichi has joined him; Tohma comes from behind the stage and he joins with Fujisaki to play Sleepless Beauty. Shuichi and Ryuichi sing their duet, having so much fun they don't even notice Yuki walking up to the back steps of the stage.

K has gone to stand in the front of the curtain, at the side, to act as sort of security. Just as the song ends, Yuki steps out from the curtain, and K lets out a sort of gasp. Shuichi turns around, and when he sees Yuki, drops the micrphone. He stares, but finds himself unable to move. "Yuki.." Hiro walks over and leads the stunned singer to the back, and Yuki disappears himself.

To distract the audience, Nittle Grasper continues to entertain the crowd, though much of the crowd wonders just what's going on backstage.

---

* * *

Shuichi looks up into Yuki's eyes, his own filled with wonder, hope and a hint of nervousness.

Yuki looks down at Shuichi; first at the body--the tight ass, the toned muscle; the slightly older face. And then, the eyes. When Yuki gets to the eyes, he looks deep into them; then takes Shu's sholders in his hands, leans down, and whispers in his ear: "Sing."

Shuichi stands back and begins to sing, loud enough only for Yuki to hear, since Nittle Grasper is drowning him out for the rest of the crowd. As he sings, he sings a bit louder, but Yuki stops him before the song is over.

K peeks backstage, then leaves the two in private.

Yuki leans down and kisses Shuichi on the lips; Shuichi just stands there for a minute befre registering what's happening. He leans into the kiss, something he's wanted for so long.

When they finally withdraw, Yuki's face has softened, and he just stares at Shuichi. "You're really here." He pulls Shuichi into his arms, and Shuichi falls into the embrace. Finally.

He knew he would get a good birthday present.

---

* * *

Uploaded again to fix formatting. Dang .txt files. c: 


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